One of the interesting things about men and women in a relationship is that they have such different expectations of each other. One of the reasons for this is that we all conditioned socially from the moment we are born into certain roles and certain beliefs about ourselves.
One experiment was very telling in this respect, when a number of researchers brought a baby into a group of people, with the baby dressed in pink clothing.
The people treated the baby, men and women alike, with gentleness and cooed over it; when the same baby was brought in dressed in a denim suit, so that men and women and assumed it was a boy, they were much more energetic and vigorous with it, much less gentle, and adopted a completely different linguistic approach to it.
So right from birth boys are conditioned to expect life to be harder in some way, and certainly to be more oriented about achievement than emotion.
This is a hard fact to get our heads around, because many of the issues in society, and certainly many of the ills of relationship that we experience, come from the fact that boys are not brought up to be sensitive and emotional.
And you can see this in the way that any little boy is told to be a man, not to cry, or praised for his achievements. Girls are praised for being nice and kind and sensitive.
Now clearly these are such deep differences that we are not likely to be able to overcome them any time soon!
And both sexes are entitled to their needs and feelings. I sometimes wonder if it’s possible that the reason that we treat boys and girls like this is that we’re actually genetically programmed to do so.
You see, the fact is that I believe we are deeply directed by our genetic inheritance, and for the generations in which we evolved, there would have been very different requirements on men and women: men would have been required to go out and be brave, not to show their fear, and to hunt fearlessly.
Women would have been required to stay at home, maintain a social connection with their partners, and look after the children.
All of these things are bound to give certain predilections and predispositions in a relationship. So maybe the answer is that what we should be doing is looking to the common ground, the needs of men and women have in common.
And then, when we’ve identified them, perhaps we should be treating them differently in the two sexes. It’s an interesting concept, isn’t it?
You see, although love tends to be thought of as romance, and perhaps even as a feminine emotion, the truth is that men respect and like it just as much as women do.
And not just as a means to sex, though many men are oriented to make a woman come. (OK, here it is, guys, advice for men on how to make a woman orgasm.)
Men just don’t admit the fact they think love is good, nice, fun, and it’s certainly very sexy. Men and women appreciate love alike. What we don’t want is to let the other sex romanticize love, or turn it into a sex-fest.
Many men “fight” women who want to have hugs and kisses, pushing them away, and not understanding how much women need to be pampered and lavished with affection, and how much they are hurt if men don’t seem to care.
Love is essential for the well-being of all women. But is it essential for the well-being of men, too? I think the truth is probably much less so because men are able to cut themselves off from their feelings, even within relationships, in a way that women are not.
One of the interesting questions that men can ask themselves to try and understand their relationship to love a little better is whether or not they enjoy loving attention, whether or not they enjoy getting the little things that women do to show how much they care about the man therewith.
So women love nurturing men, and men love being nurtured, but they just don’t like to admit the fact.
When women lavish men with loving gestures men and women alike feel good. A man’s ego is boosted, so is a woman’s.
Men take pleasure in being cared for if they can allow themselves to relax into the experience. So if that’s true for men, why should men object when women ask for the same thing?
You see how these things are all about interpretation and expectation. They are about the beliefs that we hold about ourselves: so while men find it hard to whisper sweet loving words to their female partner, it’s amazing what a difference that will make to a woman’s feeling of well-being.
If a man finds that the conversation he is having over the telephone with his female partner is just irritating and annoying, rather than something that he treasures and look forward to, then no wonder women feel disempowered, diminished, and perhaps even unloved!
The truth of the matter is that women don’t judge men by the size of what they do, which is a shame for men who like to make big gestures!
Women judge men by the fact that they do little things that show how much they care about the woman, and how much they think about her, even when they’re not together.
These are the things that make a woman love a man, that might romanticize a woman’s feelings towards a man, and enable her to express her sexual nature towards him.